2009 Update: What It's Like To Be Unemployed

Beards and jobs can go together, it CAN work, sometimes it doesn't but the possibility exists. One of my college roommates used to dip Reser's Burritos into peach yogurt, I never thought that would work.

Beards and unemployment go hand in hand. Facial hair is proof you have no one to impress and I don't mean similar to someone completely satisfied with themselves, I mean you literally could not find a person to impress.

Cabin fever hasn't reared its ugly head yet. I've been getting out; trips to Fred Meyer's and the hot tub for a soak.

When you are jobless you appreciate the small things in your day. Using the microwave feels like an accomplishment. I learned how to play Pinochle. I made a birthday calendar on ical and began organizing my music. Receiving an email is once again exciting instead of boring as hundreds funneled into my work account.

Hopefully this blog thing will keep my English skills at a professional level.

That's the unemployment update.

This entry would not be complete without discussing what's been on my TV lately. Blazer games have been a mainstay as I am following them very closely this year.

I checked out The Bachelor premier. As I suspected I hate a majority of the cast. Why can't there be a dating show for real people. We have all the VH1 debauchery... Bret Michaels is a fuck... but nothing to represent the awkward interactions of dating. Where's the guy who knocks a wine glass off a table on the first date?

One month from today and I turn 25. Quarterlife crisis here I come.

808's & Heartbreak Is Growing On Me

So Kanye West put out his autotune album. Some are up-in-arms claiming his departure from rap is part of the artform dying. Other promote it as growth of an artist.

The first track "Say You Will" is paced too slowly for me and the persistent beep bothers me. I really enjoyed the original version of Welcome To Heartbreak (which samples Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones.) He switched the mastering and the beat before the release. Heartless is catchy and I find myself singing along at my desk. I'm pretty neutral on Amazing while never being a fan of Young Jeezy.

I liked Love Lockdown when I heard the first mastered version but I don't see the song sticking in my rotation. Golddigger was sort of the same, I liked it when I heard it at parties or a bar but always skipped it on my Mac or in the car. Drive Slow was my favorite song of Late Registeration. Last Call is my bestie off College Dropout. I don't usually gravitate towards the singles.

Paranoid is my preferred song because I think his personality really comes through on it. I am a fan of his cadence and the chorus by Mr. Hudson.

Robocop is decent and I think it will probably move up on my list the more I hear it. I dig the violins.

Street Lights is the ride home when your night didn't go the way you expected. The moment of clarity from this album.

Bad News holds up its namesake.

The obligatory Lil Wayne feature comes as See You In My Knightmares. I like how the beat builds and is easily the most aggressive track. I never really enjoy Wayne on slow tracks, his flow, his best asset, is hidden. It is easy to ignore his nonesense when he's really riding over a beat.

Coldest Winter pisses me off for some reason.

Pinocchio Story is just a throw in at the end of the album. It has meaning to Kanye, which is fine, because the whole album was created for his own purposes.

I personally believe this album will sit outside of his catalogue at the end of his career. It will push some of his fans away while bringing others closer. The disgruntled fans will purchase the next "rap" album anyway.

Apple Cup Preview 5 of 5: Predictions

Apple Cup eve is here. Tuck the little ones in tight and leave out some Busch Lights for Santa Claus...

What is going to happen? I see one of two scenarios happening tomorrow. Either we are really, truely, the worst football team ever or we call up Icebox and pull some Little Giants action out. Annexation of Puerto Rico, please Coach Wulff.

The Cougs need to band together and fight fight fight for Washington State. Our Seniors need glory on their last trip out to Martin Stadium. Brandon Gibson needs a small reward for returning. Come on Greg Trent let's go. Give them the Glory Days.

Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight
and I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days

We might take a beating tomorrow, not the cool kind like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

We may also pull off a close game. We are Daryll Blunt-less this year. This is the 101st Apple Cup or in my world the 2nd Apple Cup sans Blunt. UW has no Jake Locker that should help. I'm sure tons of Huskies will have the #10 jersey on, where's the love for Ronnie Fouch?

I will guarentee you the Cougs won't blow the Huskies out. Sorry not happening.

Final Predictions:

Cougs: 20
Huskies: 17
Turnovers: 8 combined
Babies Crying: 4
Adults Crying: 5
Game of Football: Irrepairably Damaged
Obama: President Elect
Zombie Apocalypse: 2015 (Walmart's Fault)
Arrests in Pullman: 15
Alcohol Poisonings: 7
Backslides: 25

I can't predict a Cougar loss I just don't have it in me. I will lose the Apple Cup of Ping Pong though, like every other fucking year... you know who you are and I hate you.

Cheers and Go Cougs!

Apple Cup Preview 4 of 5: The Meaning of Apple Cup

Are you from a broken home? Do you or your parents have a "house divided" t-shirt?

Apple Cup is not about decided the state into fractions. Huskies and Cougars. Sluts and prudes. Drinkers and fun-suckers. T-Shirt wisdom would argue you can be both a Cougar and a Husky. T-shirt wisdom would also suggest you trust my friend Joe because he's a lawyer, when he is not. Should we trust these t-shirts? Are Cougar-dom and Husky-dom mutually exclusive?

These are very pointed and troubling questions. Was I wrong to cheer for UW when they made the NCAA tournament and we were in basketball wasteland? Maybe I was. One friend of mine subscribes to the "Keep the Pac-10" strong theory, meaning he cheers for the Huskies if they are playing out of conference. Is this validatated because it indirectly helps the Cougs?

Another friend only cheers for two teams, the Cougars and whoever is playing the Huskies. Does this warrant more respect for pure Cougar devotion?

Are these kind of things what Apple Cup truely about? Should we justify our choice of colleges through athletic competition?

I say Apple Cup is about none of these things. It is about bringing people together. Washingtonian's unite to drink away your Saturday and watch a singular football game. Unite to rampantly insult one another with little reprisal. Bet on things, settle scores, laugh in the face of rivals, and gloat about other people's accomplishments. Own the day create competitions and prove Cougars or Huskies are better at everything than the other. Ping pong, beer pong, flip cup, predicting the score, breathalizer readings, just find something to compete in.

Enjoy

Apple Cup Preview 3 of 5: Disappointment

Someone will be disappointed by this Apple Cup. Prepare for it, accept it, understand even with these low expectations it can still hurt. Maybe the football game itself won't cause the agony, it could come from other places.

You may run your Jeep Cherokee of a ravine I've seen it happen. You may throw up all over a porch while drinking Franzia and still lose the borderline retarded drinking contest you're participating in. Someone may poor beer on your head. You may run into several people you hate. You may not be 21 and have to go sit in your sororiety while all of your older friends hit a bar.

Apple Cup is not for the faint of heart. The Cougars have probably taken 5 years off my life in the 5 years I've truely been dedicated to watching them. 5 for 5 not good, not even at Arby's. Referees can often be the target of scorn or you may plan poorly and run out of booze.

All of those things are indoctrinated in being a fan. It happens. Life's often disappointing and other times filled with immense joy. This year who knows? I might lose some whiskey.

Today is Apple Cup Hump Day its a short road to sweet sweet football ecstacy. The road is downhill and I'm rolling towards one sweet weekend if all the pieces come together. Apple Cup is a shotglass half full event. So I'm shaking off these doldrums and looking forward to Saturday afternoon. At least I can watch the Notorious B.L.G. finish his Cougar receiving days. That's Brandon Lewis Gibson. Recognize Sluts.

Apple Cup Preview 2 of 5: Preparation

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity - Darrell Royal

This quote is very applicable to the hours leading up to Apple Cup. Will you make it a night to remember or sit back and let the game create the memories?

I feel every graduate of these two storied universities should take it upon themselves to make barely memorable memories filled with alcohol, debauchery, and mumbling statements of disdain for each other.

Obviously when you leave the friendly confines of Pullman or the U-District it becomes more difficult to maintain traditions you held so dear while in college.

New traditions must be created in a whole new atmosphere.

This is your opportunity. Apple Cup is the opportunity.

This leaves the preparation. Where will you go? Who will you go with? What delicious beverages should you consume? Can you acquire cheap or even free alcohol and food?

I find it is best to have a balance crowd of Cougar and Husky supporters. This helps to create the "rivalry" feeling even in the lowliest of years. This year is a perfect example because the football will be terrible. Terrible like witnessing a white trash mother beating her child in a grocery store. Who's going to be the mom and respectively the kid? Both teams will be the caucasian garbage mother while the sport of football and the viewer's eyes play the kid.

Alcohol consumption can also intensify the competition. Whether you try to beat your record of soonest moment in the game you will have no clue happened the next day or how many times you can grope your girlfriend in the plain sight of both your parents. I really have a feeling someone might go for the daring handy under a blanket. It's the PDA equivalent of the Flea Flicker in football. When unexpected it's easy to pull off and usually ends in a big gain. If the defense sniffs it out (unfortunately this may literally happen) it never ends well.

Overall you should treat Apple Cup like a family gathering no one wants to go to but relatives end up getting hammered.

Please bring the following:

Apparel and Accessories from your respective Washington school.
Booze
Friends
A brain full of cleverly planned banter which often sounds better in your head than out of your mouth after 7 beers.

Don't bring:
Small Children
Any Oregon fans.
A bible

Apple Cup Preview 1 of 5: Moderation Is The Key

According to the Center for Disease Control, binge drinking is associated with many health problems, including but not limited to

Unintentional injuries
Intentional injuries
Alcohol poisoning.
Sexually transmitted diseases.
Unintended pregnancy.
High blood pressure, stroke, and other cardiovascular diseases.
Liver disease.
Neurological damage.
Sexual dysfunction.
Poor control of diabetes.

The top 5 health problems on the list also have a rapid increase in Pullman, Washington on Apple Cup weekend. During bowl-eligible years conception rates jump according to what team has the possiblity of attending a bowl game. The Apple Cup baby phenomena is not a concern this year, however the utter digust Cougar-males feel towards the football team has created an increase in impotence (technically a sexual dysfunction.) The Dead Kennedy's song Too Drunk To Fuck from the album Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death was actually written after the Cougs 1986 loss. I'm sure someone will mismanage their 'betes and screwing in Pullman is like playing Russian Routlette with a loaded vagina so the STD's will be there.

Remember when Binge Drinking, please Binge Drink appropriately...Two 40's of Mickey's usually cuts it. Wrap up fellas, unless you love her because everyone knows you don't use condoms if you're in love, that's what bc pills were made for.