808's & Heartbreak Is Growing On Me

So Kanye West put out his autotune album. Some are up-in-arms claiming his departure from rap is part of the artform dying. Other promote it as growth of an artist.

The first track "Say You Will" is paced too slowly for me and the persistent beep bothers me. I really enjoyed the original version of Welcome To Heartbreak (which samples Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones.) He switched the mastering and the beat before the release. Heartless is catchy and I find myself singing along at my desk. I'm pretty neutral on Amazing while never being a fan of Young Jeezy.

I liked Love Lockdown when I heard the first mastered version but I don't see the song sticking in my rotation. Golddigger was sort of the same, I liked it when I heard it at parties or a bar but always skipped it on my Mac or in the car. Drive Slow was my favorite song of Late Registeration. Last Call is my bestie off College Dropout. I don't usually gravitate towards the singles.

Paranoid is my preferred song because I think his personality really comes through on it. I am a fan of his cadence and the chorus by Mr. Hudson.

Robocop is decent and I think it will probably move up on my list the more I hear it. I dig the violins.

Street Lights is the ride home when your night didn't go the way you expected. The moment of clarity from this album.

Bad News holds up its namesake.

The obligatory Lil Wayne feature comes as See You In My Knightmares. I like how the beat builds and is easily the most aggressive track. I never really enjoy Wayne on slow tracks, his flow, his best asset, is hidden. It is easy to ignore his nonesense when he's really riding over a beat.

Coldest Winter pisses me off for some reason.

Pinocchio Story is just a throw in at the end of the album. It has meaning to Kanye, which is fine, because the whole album was created for his own purposes.

I personally believe this album will sit outside of his catalogue at the end of his career. It will push some of his fans away while bringing others closer. The disgruntled fans will purchase the next "rap" album anyway.

Apple Cup Preview 5 of 5: Predictions

Apple Cup eve is here. Tuck the little ones in tight and leave out some Busch Lights for Santa Claus...

What is going to happen? I see one of two scenarios happening tomorrow. Either we are really, truely, the worst football team ever or we call up Icebox and pull some Little Giants action out. Annexation of Puerto Rico, please Coach Wulff.

The Cougs need to band together and fight fight fight for Washington State. Our Seniors need glory on their last trip out to Martin Stadium. Brandon Gibson needs a small reward for returning. Come on Greg Trent let's go. Give them the Glory Days.

Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight
and I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days

We might take a beating tomorrow, not the cool kind like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

We may also pull off a close game. We are Daryll Blunt-less this year. This is the 101st Apple Cup or in my world the 2nd Apple Cup sans Blunt. UW has no Jake Locker that should help. I'm sure tons of Huskies will have the #10 jersey on, where's the love for Ronnie Fouch?

I will guarentee you the Cougs won't blow the Huskies out. Sorry not happening.

Final Predictions:

Cougs: 20
Huskies: 17
Turnovers: 8 combined
Babies Crying: 4
Adults Crying: 5
Game of Football: Irrepairably Damaged
Obama: President Elect
Zombie Apocalypse: 2015 (Walmart's Fault)
Arrests in Pullman: 15
Alcohol Poisonings: 7
Backslides: 25

I can't predict a Cougar loss I just don't have it in me. I will lose the Apple Cup of Ping Pong though, like every other fucking year... you know who you are and I hate you.

Cheers and Go Cougs!

Apple Cup Preview 4 of 5: The Meaning of Apple Cup

Are you from a broken home? Do you or your parents have a "house divided" t-shirt?

Apple Cup is not about decided the state into fractions. Huskies and Cougars. Sluts and prudes. Drinkers and fun-suckers. T-Shirt wisdom would argue you can be both a Cougar and a Husky. T-shirt wisdom would also suggest you trust my friend Joe because he's a lawyer, when he is not. Should we trust these t-shirts? Are Cougar-dom and Husky-dom mutually exclusive?

These are very pointed and troubling questions. Was I wrong to cheer for UW when they made the NCAA tournament and we were in basketball wasteland? Maybe I was. One friend of mine subscribes to the "Keep the Pac-10" strong theory, meaning he cheers for the Huskies if they are playing out of conference. Is this validatated because it indirectly helps the Cougs?

Another friend only cheers for two teams, the Cougars and whoever is playing the Huskies. Does this warrant more respect for pure Cougar devotion?

Are these kind of things what Apple Cup truely about? Should we justify our choice of colleges through athletic competition?

I say Apple Cup is about none of these things. It is about bringing people together. Washingtonian's unite to drink away your Saturday and watch a singular football game. Unite to rampantly insult one another with little reprisal. Bet on things, settle scores, laugh in the face of rivals, and gloat about other people's accomplishments. Own the day create competitions and prove Cougars or Huskies are better at everything than the other. Ping pong, beer pong, flip cup, predicting the score, breathalizer readings, just find something to compete in.

Enjoy

Apple Cup Preview 3 of 5: Disappointment

Someone will be disappointed by this Apple Cup. Prepare for it, accept it, understand even with these low expectations it can still hurt. Maybe the football game itself won't cause the agony, it could come from other places.

You may run your Jeep Cherokee of a ravine I've seen it happen. You may throw up all over a porch while drinking Franzia and still lose the borderline retarded drinking contest you're participating in. Someone may poor beer on your head. You may run into several people you hate. You may not be 21 and have to go sit in your sororiety while all of your older friends hit a bar.

Apple Cup is not for the faint of heart. The Cougars have probably taken 5 years off my life in the 5 years I've truely been dedicated to watching them. 5 for 5 not good, not even at Arby's. Referees can often be the target of scorn or you may plan poorly and run out of booze.

All of those things are indoctrinated in being a fan. It happens. Life's often disappointing and other times filled with immense joy. This year who knows? I might lose some whiskey.

Today is Apple Cup Hump Day its a short road to sweet sweet football ecstacy. The road is downhill and I'm rolling towards one sweet weekend if all the pieces come together. Apple Cup is a shotglass half full event. So I'm shaking off these doldrums and looking forward to Saturday afternoon. At least I can watch the Notorious B.L.G. finish his Cougar receiving days. That's Brandon Lewis Gibson. Recognize Sluts.

Apple Cup Preview 2 of 5: Preparation

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity - Darrell Royal

This quote is very applicable to the hours leading up to Apple Cup. Will you make it a night to remember or sit back and let the game create the memories?

I feel every graduate of these two storied universities should take it upon themselves to make barely memorable memories filled with alcohol, debauchery, and mumbling statements of disdain for each other.

Obviously when you leave the friendly confines of Pullman or the U-District it becomes more difficult to maintain traditions you held so dear while in college.

New traditions must be created in a whole new atmosphere.

This is your opportunity. Apple Cup is the opportunity.

This leaves the preparation. Where will you go? Who will you go with? What delicious beverages should you consume? Can you acquire cheap or even free alcohol and food?

I find it is best to have a balance crowd of Cougar and Husky supporters. This helps to create the "rivalry" feeling even in the lowliest of years. This year is a perfect example because the football will be terrible. Terrible like witnessing a white trash mother beating her child in a grocery store. Who's going to be the mom and respectively the kid? Both teams will be the caucasian garbage mother while the sport of football and the viewer's eyes play the kid.

Alcohol consumption can also intensify the competition. Whether you try to beat your record of soonest moment in the game you will have no clue happened the next day or how many times you can grope your girlfriend in the plain sight of both your parents. I really have a feeling someone might go for the daring handy under a blanket. It's the PDA equivalent of the Flea Flicker in football. When unexpected it's easy to pull off and usually ends in a big gain. If the defense sniffs it out (unfortunately this may literally happen) it never ends well.

Overall you should treat Apple Cup like a family gathering no one wants to go to but relatives end up getting hammered.

Please bring the following:

Apparel and Accessories from your respective Washington school.
Booze
Friends
A brain full of cleverly planned banter which often sounds better in your head than out of your mouth after 7 beers.

Don't bring:
Small Children
Any Oregon fans.
A bible

Apple Cup Preview 1 of 5: Moderation Is The Key

According to the Center for Disease Control, binge drinking is associated with many health problems, including but not limited to

Unintentional injuries
Intentional injuries
Alcohol poisoning.
Sexually transmitted diseases.
Unintended pregnancy.
High blood pressure, stroke, and other cardiovascular diseases.
Liver disease.
Neurological damage.
Sexual dysfunction.
Poor control of diabetes.

The top 5 health problems on the list also have a rapid increase in Pullman, Washington on Apple Cup weekend. During bowl-eligible years conception rates jump according to what team has the possiblity of attending a bowl game. The Apple Cup baby phenomena is not a concern this year, however the utter digust Cougar-males feel towards the football team has created an increase in impotence (technically a sexual dysfunction.) The Dead Kennedy's song Too Drunk To Fuck from the album Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death was actually written after the Cougs 1986 loss. I'm sure someone will mismanage their 'betes and screwing in Pullman is like playing Russian Routlette with a loaded vagina so the STD's will be there.

Remember when Binge Drinking, please Binge Drink appropriately...Two 40's of Mickey's usually cuts it. Wrap up fellas, unless you love her because everyone knows you don't use condoms if you're in love, that's what bc pills were made for.

Rudy Fernandez es mi dio

Rudy Fernandez is the antithesis to a yellow hummer on I-5 Southbound with smoke billowing out. I mean to say he's good for the Blazers, the city of Roses, and the Washington State Patrol.

My affinity for Rudy started when he was drafted by PHX and traded for cash to Portland (Robert Sarver is a cheap-ass and his stingy pockets have held the Suns down). I started digesting youtube highlights from Spain. He looked lanky and awkward. The frustrating kind of awkward making him incredibly hard to stay infront of and he could finish in traffic. I'd never seen anyone keep their elbows that far in when shooting a jumper. Needless to say I was impressed.

The Olympics were Rudy's coming out party. He yolked on Dwight Howard and was killing the U.S. for awhile.

The season began with much Oden-lore and Rudy as a nice side story. He was constantly linked to Sergio Rodriguez and called 1/2 of the Spanish Connection. He has left Sergio far behind aside from some nice catch and finish alleys between the two.

Rudy started hitting 3's and making slithering drives to the hoop. He's not the Kobe Bryant Mamba-slithering type but more like a Stretch Armstrong or Gummby toy. He was picking the pockets of Americans treating them like tourists in their own country on their own courts.

Then he cooked Artest. He's starting to serve up a menu of reputable defenders. He may not always have the primary defender on him because of BROY which will only increase his chances to shine.

Then I watched the Heat game and Rudy took it to another level. He had ice in his veins when he drilled those 3's. He had a game high 25 which he capped off with a spin-move into a fadeaway with seconds left.

Aside from his basketball abilities he seems to be quite quotable and interesting. A story came out about he and Sergio purchasing the same sweater. Rudy wore his two straight days, even to media sessions, and when reporters asked Sergio he said Rudy was dirty. This coined Dirty Fernandez and I thought what a great name for my work league basketball team. Apparently this term was already taken and its NSFW at all. Check urban dictionary if you must, its the Portugese version of Dirty Sanchez meaning it's a goatee instead of a 'stache.

When asked about playing against Pau Gasol, a fellow Spaniard, Rudy said "Pau. I've never played against him, only on the same team. I want to put points on your face."

Barbies Versus Legos - The Skank Theory

Me: did you smash on Legos?

jnelleb: somewhat, what about Barbies?

Me: Barbie's make people whores

jnelleb: Now they're being replaced by Bratz

Me: younger whores

jnelleb: incorrect, Bratz do

Me: barbies do nothing but reinforce gender roles... Legos breed imagination, famous chicks who played with Legos: Natalie
Portman, Maya Angelou, Janis Joplin, Susan B. Anthony

jnelleb: you have no proof of that

Me: famous women who played with Barbie: girl one from two girls one cup, anna nicole smith, courtney love,

jnelleb: me

Me: and Spencer from The Hills

jnelleb: my life is doomed to go to shit

Gaming Obsession of The Past: Oregon Trail

Typing class in grade school was tedium anyone who had to hammer away on "word processors" knows this. The saving grace of this terrible class was gameday. Silent ball was perhaps the most popular game we played on those fantastic days. I'm not sure the connection between a physical game with balls and computers but I could posit Mr. Evans wanted us to shut the fuck up for 45 minutes a week. Other days Evans would silence the banshee song of 30 pre-teen kids with the magic of Floppy Disks.

Oregon Trail, ladies and gentlemen, was the bees knees. The hunting, the death, floating rivers, disease...it was all so historical and fun. Cholera was a villian in this game damnit, think about that for a minute.

Everyone loved naming the characters in their party. The girl you liked, your best friend, and the girl they like. I'm not sure if you provide a fifth name if so it was your poor friend who was not around that day and he/she was not allotted a videogame life-partner.

Oregon Trail taught me so much about life. First it taught me about loss. This fucking game always took away the girl I liked ALWAYS. It was unfalable my 3rd grade chosen mate was ravaged by herpes or whatever the fuck my Apple cooked up that day.

Oregon Trail espoused lessons of conservation, you hunt an area too much you're screwed. Rumor has it a younger Al Gore realized the damage we inflict on the earth when he had to shoot rabits for 35 consecutive minutes before his party died from starvation.

Finally, it taught me perseverance. Sure my oxen, my liked ones, and my friends died on the way to the Willamette Valley or the fertile Columbia Basin but I made it. I dodge those rocks of the Columbia and found my way to this beautiful land.

God I loved this game and all my peers loved this game. If you couldn't get your hands on this you had to play Carmen Sandiego. She was a slut and most likely a prostitute who robbed her customers. If she came to my place of residence she'd be clapping her hands on the way out so I know she didn't steal anything. Keep clapping Sandiego sorry about the red overcoat I hear that washes out.

Amazon Trail was bullshit.

Worthless Season?

I asked myself after the Oregon loss: Is this season worthless?

I thought about it for about and decided it's not worthless because of Marshall Lobbestael and the Apple Cup. I want another great WSU quarterback...ok I want another Gesser. I think Ocho Rojo has a shot at being not just a serviceable QB, Brinkensian if you will, but someone who can actually change the outcome of a game. I don't remember Alex making plays and I do remember him seeing the play and not being able to make it. Lobbestael showed he can throw a ball 60 yards, throw the short ball, scamper, and play cautiously. I like all those things in my QB. Everything I have read says he is a film junkie and has the smarts for the game. I'm on his band wagon or Lobster cart.

As far as the Apple Cup goes, I bet a friend a 5th of Jameson on it. I want free Whiskey and I want to yell bad things about UW. Poor Jake Locker broke his thumb. This is conclusive evidence he is not the Purple Jesus. Unless he walks across Lake Washington and kisses a leper I will not believe in the Huskies being ressurrected.

Marshall Lobbestael is my main man

Although his last name doesn't offer as many wity puns as Sir Alex Brink, Marshall Lobbestael showed me what I needed to from behind center. Will he get a start against Charlie Conway, Adam Banks, and the rest of the Mighty Ducks. I think we'll have to pull some Little Giants action to get a win this weekend. Does Wulff know the Annexation of Puerto Rico? Here's wishing a happy homecoming to all the Cougar alumni headed back to Pullman.

I can't muster much more about Cougar football these days. The blind optomism from my season preview died when Cal decided to fuck us with our pants on. I think Cal was Billy Bob Thorton and we were Miss Halle Berry. That's enough movie references for this post... I'll try a music one, perhaps the Tenacious D(ucks) will fuck us gently this weekend.

Also right now I'm listening to:

Pogues - Rum, Sodomy, & The Lash (especially Rainy Night in Soho)
Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run
Mirah - Joyride: Remixes (Thanks Aaron from work)

Mad Men makes me have a poop fit when I watch it. Don Draper does whatever the hell he wants and you don't say shit to him... he'll lie right to your dumb face then screw your wife.

Asteroids! DK Ripoff! Goddamn mind blowing

This video is ridiculous people are making what I imagine when I was 8 minus the coke references.

WSU Football Thoughts

Excitement for the upcoming WSU football season is at fever pitch in my cubicle. My schedule with little helmets has been printed and posted. I’ve been reading my WSU sports blogs, http://blogspot.wsufootball.com/ is my favorite. To be honest, positive feelings are running are all I am feeling about the Cougs this season. The optimism may be limited to Cougfans because several, in fact all most all, major media sources have us rated as last in the Pac-10. Does anyone remember the last time the Cougs were picked last with a brand new coach

Let’s hope we have a Bennett in Wulff’s clothing. Everything I’ve read about the P. Wulff has been great. He’s a character guy to the bone, we’ve all heard or read the life struggle stories and if you haven’t you should because they are inspiring. His offense put up serious numbers at EWU, he has a strong distaste for UW, and played for the Cougs.

Westcoast Tebow, Jake Locker has been crowned the Savior of Montlake before he arrived in the U District. Well Ty Willingham better pray to Jesus Locker this whole season. It will be a minor miracle if the man who “holds his breathe while he runs” makes it through this season. The TRUE quarterback savior of Washington is Gary Rodgers. 6’7” and ripped up!

Here are my G-Rod memories thus far:

The drive at Auburn, 6 plays for 90 yards punctuated with a 50-yard TD to Cody Boyd. That was on a big stage, he has the arm, and the build (the Bledsoe build and he has to faster than Drew.)

Our backs should be a solid 1-2 punch with Tardy and Henry. Hopefully they change Trady’s glamour shot so he doesn’t look like a douche anymore on the new big screen in Martin Stadium. The pic says “my barber didn’t finish.” Yes, another terrible case of haircut blue balls.

Brandon Gibson is a top flight receiver. He’ll be in the league after this season and will be constantly double covered. Wulff has said he’ll take many different avenues to get Gib the ball hopefully not punting like Bumpus.

Mattingly is the player to watch on defense, he moved from LB to DE this year. Andy Football has a fuckin’ motor. He’s a playmaker and will be fun to watch this year and I pray his acclimation to the new position comes sooner than later. I am also looking forward to Xavier Hicks putting the hurt on people again. Ohhh the UCLA game was vicious and Brandon Breazell remembers his rib contusion well.

Yeah we have a lot of holes on the team but we always do. Cougar football is about over-achieving so are my over-achieving predictions.

August 30 - Oklahoma State/Seattle WIN
September 6 - California WIN
September 13 - at Baylor LOSS
September 20 - Portland State WIN
September 27 - Oregon WIN UPSET!!! HOMECOMING!!!
October 4 - at UCLA LOSS
October 11 - at Oregon State LOSS
October 18 - USC (FD) LOSS
November 1 - at Stanford WIN
November 8 - Arizona WIN
November 15 - at Arizona State LOSS
November 22 - Washington WIN
November 29 - at Hawaii WIN

I think the Portland State game will be closer than we’d like. We’ll shock Oregon for a big homecoming win. We beat UW a fourth consecutive time and seal the fate of Ty Willingham on the only day of the year where I cheer while seeing an A-Cup. A 8-5 overall record and Paul Wulff gets a .500 season. A 5-4 finish in the Pac-10 and a long awaited Bowl appearance. I may be sniffing the new coach/new offense fumes that’s ok sometimes things are better this way like the Pineapple Express.

What I'm Listening To:

While working at a desk you need an appropriate amount of music to indulge in. Due to the fact I've worked in an office for a year I consistently need new music. This week I've stumpled on to a rapper from the Burbs of Pennsylvania, PA. and continued to listen to a MC from D.C.

Asher Roth



His mixtape is called the GreenhouseEffect Vol. 1 and its a good listen. He is full of clever punchlines and pop culture references. Asher's 22 so many of his references come from a cultural space I would have experienced.




Wale

Olubowale Victor Akintimehin or Wale as he goes by is a rapper out of the D.C. area who mixes clever witticisms with the usual boasting of east coast rappers. To put it simply I enjoy this man's work and so should you because he refers to the Contra code for extra men in a song. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start Select

Wale's "The Mixtape About Nothing" references Seinfeld for title and artwork.



Here's a video for W.A.L.E.D.A.N.C.E.



Coincidentally both these rappers compare themselves to this man




Peace and much love, also Cheers

Mighty Muggin'

I like this little guy! So I bought it mannnn. He's sitting on top of a box of video games on my media shelf. I'm not sure if I'll pick up any more Mighty Muggs, I haven't collected anything since shotglasses in middle school (that was some fucking foreshadowing). He cost me a sweet Ten Spot and I will look at him filled with happyness at least twice in my life. I've spent much more than $10 on things that have caused me nothing but frustration, for example Krusty from the Simpson's gameboy game. That game was impossible for me and stupid. So me and Iron man we're good.